Through the Eyes of a Gay Chicago Socialite

I had the pleasure of going to traffic court yesterday for my “violations” that if you remember, warranted me getting put in handcuffs and taken to the local police station in Lakeview by a D-bag of an officer. Those violations, by the way, were having a Colorado DL and tinted windows (call the FBI!). It was important that I handle these legal issues this week as my original court date was scheduled for next week while I’m to be south of the border sipping margs in Mexico.

For those of you who haven’t been to traffic court in Chicago - thank your lucky stars! To enter the traffic court area, you must first go through metal detectors and are then pat down - a procedure more brutal than a search by the TSA at the airport. I should note that my last traffic violation was in Durango, CO where a nice lady greets you at a window in City Hall’s lobby and directs you into a room that doubles for City Council meetings.

My fellow defendants had a range of charges; some for driving without insurance and others for speeding, not stopping at a stop sign, etc. One defendant was guilty of driving without a license and couldn’t speak English (probably not a good signal to the judge). Many of my other co-defendents were also back for a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time for failing to pay fines. The judge (who was clearly thrilled to be changing the world through traffic court) kept giving them 6 months to pay. I must say, as a law abiding citizen (for the most part) and a taxpayer, when should these individuals just be put in jail for failing to pay? Fines suck, I know. But SERIOUSLY, PAY UP!

In any case, I was called up to the bench and had to explain that I am still a Colorado resident and thus have a Colorado DL. Fortunately, the judge dismissed this charge and asked that I get an Illinois DL. We’ll still have see about that one. As far as my tinted windows go, I had to plead guilty on this charge and got slammed with a $160 fine and court fees. Gross.

At the end of the day, I am glad to be done with this whole debacle. I have learned that some of Chicago’s finest are not so fine, Illinois hates drivers from other states and tinted windows on a Toyota Prius should be cause for alarm. At least now I won’t be considered an outlaw when I travel to Mexico for the Thanksgiving holiday week. Lord knows what sort of “police brutality” I could experience down there - not to mention their traffic court.